3 Ways to Process COVID-19 Pandemic Grief with Compassion

by Ilana Shapiro Yahdav and Kim English Hanlon

Take a moment to think about the many changes and losses you have experienced this year. Death or illness of a loved one and the inability to be together.  Change in routines including working from home and distance learning. Financial struggles and job instability or loss. Canceled life events. These changes are challenging during ‘normal’ times, never mind during a pandemic. What has changed for you this year?

It is important to note that it is Normal and Natural to Grieve Change of any kind. Grief is the conflicting feelings when something familiar ends or changes (The Grief Recovery Method). Just as it is essential to deal with physical pain, it is also vital to deal with difficult emotions, especially during a pandemic. Allowing and accepting your feelings, validating them, and seeking support are key ways to process pandemic grief.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Bring awareness to your feelings about the changes you’ve experienced. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you. Know that you can allow a wave of emotion to come, and if you don’t fight it, it will wash away. 

Name all that is coming up for you - journal about it or share with a compassionate listener - and breathe into the experience of allowing your emotional truth. As you acknowledge everything that is coming up for you and name it, you can then release the energy around it, freeing you from that drain. 

Validate Those Feelings with Compassion 

We all have moments when we need to set down our heavy loads and hide from ourselves. That’s ok. Sometimes. Distractions make us feel different, not better.  

Hold compassion for yourself, and extend yourself unconditional love, while also being honest with ‘what’ you are doing and ‘why’. Try saying, “Right now I want a pint of ice cream (insert distraction) and that is okay, and tonight I will let myself feel this sadness (insert uncomfortable feeling here). All my feelings are valid.”

When you do take time to validate your feelings, withhold judgment, criticism, or analysis. Find  a compassionate listener who will do the same or write it down. Avoid comparing your circumstances with others’ - your feelings are valid. 

Give Yourself Permission to Seek Support

The pandemic may make it harder to find in-person support. While not the same, there are online resources including therapy, grief counseling and support groups. You can also lean on your trusted friends and family.

Sometimes we are our own best support. Treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would a loved one. Bolster your self-care routine with simple acts that anyone can do any time.

Grieving The Pandemic will Renew Us 

We hope that having a word for what you have experienced - grief - is helpful to validate any conflicting feelings. What you are feeling is normal, natural, and expected with so much change and loss. Acknowledge, validate, seek support, and then release the pain. Extend yourself and others’ compassion and grace. Rinse and repeat. 

This blog was first published in the Live&Thrive Blog on May 11, 2021.